Yes, This Island's Name Means Rat's Nest
Fun, sun, and giant rats. Well, not rats, exactly...
Hey, Frankie, baby, you’re gonna dig this swingin’ tune. The chicks all love it. Ring-a-ding-ding!
This is Installment 25 in the series, “Places You’ve Probably Never Heard of And Will Likely Never Travel To, But We’re Going To Tell You About Anyway Because We Have A Column To Fill.”
The Wadjemup Lighthouse on Rottnest Island, probably full of smiling quokkas. Photo by M.O.
THERE’S A SMALL, FARAWAY ISLAND off the edge of Western Australia, a one-time penal colony and pilot station, that’s become the favorite getaway for beach-lovers from Fremantle, Perth, and other outposts in the country’s remote region affectionately called Sandgroperland by Australians who would never go there.
But if you’re hoping to meet a Dutch person during your visit to the island, don’t bother. Netherlanders won’t visit there because Rottnest, the island’s original Dutch name, means Rat’s Nest in English.
The name never bothered the Aussies, though, because they’re a tough lot. Not much irks them.
Man 1: “Hey, mate, can you pass me the Vegemite?”
Man 2: “I’d be happy to, cobber, but it’s a hard yakka since I just caught me left bitters-grabbers in a croc’s mouth and I’m holding a Foster’s in my right, so I’m a bit crook in the Vegemite-passing department. But hold tight! I have a bonzer idea! I’ll just reach down with me gob, grab the bloody jar with my pearly whites, and mmeghghg sjtytyt atywreeaf. There ya go, boyo!”
Quokkas resemble miniature kangaroos (if you’re on acid)…
Thanks for the island’s name goes to intrepid explorer, mighty sea captain, and apparently very poor zoologist Willem de Vlamingh, who in 1696 mistook the island’s large, energetic, and slightly creepy quokkas for, well, rats.
Here I quote from Wikipedia, my go-to source for all things zoology: Quokkas are cat-size marsupials that weigh up to five pounds and look like they’re smiling at you!
You say, “Cute.” I say, “Scoot!” This quokka doesn’t seem to be smiling. Sneering is more like it. Photo by Mark Gillow/Wikimedia Commons.
Forget the Dutch. Even I wouldn’t want to go there, considering that explanation.
However, in the interest of filling this column, I did go there (although many years ago, before I knew this Substack would even exist), because I’m an idiot and I’ll go anywhere.
Rottnest Island—or Rotto, as Western Australians are prone to call it—has some of the most dramatic beaches imaginable, with waters ranging from seafoam green to cobalt, and therein lies its main attraction. Surfers, snorkelers, scuba divers, and sun worshipers take the ferry from Fremantle for a day or a week of seaside relaxation and recreation.
No private cars are allowed, basically because there aren’t many places to drive to, so most of the transportation is via bicycle; in fact, bicycling around the island in search of your favorite among its 63 beaches is an essential part of any visit, according to the island’s bike-rental companies. On my own bike ride around the island, I visited 57 of them, mostly by accident.
Just 12 miles from the charming Victorian harbor town of Freo (as the locals call Fremantle), the island’s aboriginal name is Wadjemup. It was occupied as much as 7,000 years ago, when the island was still attached to the mainland, and today there are more than a dozen aboriginal historical sites. The saddest part of the island’s history is that in the 1830s it became a prison specifically for aboriginal people, and remained so for nearly 70 years. The prisoners built many of the structures still in use today, including the seawall, lighthouses, and even some of the visitor accommodations. Now, doesn’t that brighten your day?
But you don’t want to hear about facts and history. I know what you’re thinking: Tell us about the giant smiling rats!
The BL 9.2-inch Mk X gun of Oliver’s Battery on Rottnest Island is ready to go in case of a quokka uprising. Photo by Lpm43792/Wikimedia Commons.
In Rotto, you’ll encounter the strange and adorable creature found almost nowhere else, the quokka. Quokkas resemble miniature kangaroos (if you’re on acid), and are friendly (thanks mainly to too many food handouts from tourists). Everywhere are signs saying, Please don’t feed the quokkas! They will only get bigger and more catlike, and their smiles will turn to sneers!
The marine life on Rottnest is one of the most abundant and varied in Western Australia, and the birdlife is incredible (they’re attracted by the brine shrimp in the island’s several salt lakes). Pro tip: Travelers attracted by smiling, cat-sized marsupials and brine shrimp in salt lakes, make your vacation plans now.
Most of the tourist facilities are in the village of Thomson Bay. Accommodations range from backpacker hostels to the luxurious Lodge Wadjemup, where premium rooms cost around U.S. $280 a night. In between those extremes are small beachfront cottages, family apartments, and informal cabins, along with bakeries, cafés, and convenience stores where you can stock up on Vegemite, crates of Foster’s, quokka traps, and other goodies to bring back to your room.
The sartorial attitude around Rotto is definitely low-key. Flip-flops and go-to-hell shorts are the basic dress code. Possibly a shirt.
Your dashing, helmet-wearing correspondent, searching for brine shrimp in salt lakes. Now that’s what I call recreation! Photo by M.O.
A full day would include waking up late, hitting the beach when you feel like it, riding a bike in the morning before the sun gets too hot, walking to the ferry pier to see if anyone interesting arrives that day, and running in sheer terror as snarling packs of smiling quokkas chase you for a piece of your Vegemite sandwich.
There are other activities: You can take a short ride on a tourist train to see some of the remaining World War II military installations, sightsee in a motor coach tour if you don’t want to bike, and sign up for a half-day offshore tour on a glass-bottom boat. There’s even a flight-seeing trip that leaves from the old military air strip.
Bring your watershoes! Those Rottnest beaches can get rocky! Photo by M.O.
Not a lot of news happens in Rotto. Once, a man visited the island who was not named Bruce. That caused quite a stir. The light in the lighthouse got stuck, shining across the water directly at downtown Freo, causing the resident Freons to ask, “Why is that light pointed at us?” And a quokka once refused to smile when offered a piece of Vegemite on toasted rye.
In conclusion, you should visit Rottnest Island. Unless you’re Dutch.
Giant rats, Hughie! Who could say no? Besides, where you live now, it's an easy flight to Oz, haha!
Yeah Mark,I doubt I have another trip to Australia for the place I missed,the Rat’s nest is one of them.